It's a sad sad day when I post something like this...=(

Did it peak your interest... Good!!

I am: thinking very few people will read this
I was: thinking about working out
I will be: sitting here not working out
I do: the best I'm willing to do
I did: work this morning
I didn't: clean my fish tank.. or fish stank
I can: 'nuff said
I can't: stop
I will: with help
I won't: do it alone
I might: with the best intention do the wrong thing
I wouldn't: hurt you on purpose
I shouldn't: do what I want
I should: listen more often
I could: go for a 5 shot non fat latte
I would: hate to see you go
I have: learned to live with it
I haven't: been perfect
I want: what I have
I miss: the good ol days
I used to: rule the world
I gave up: ruling
I like: that I am someone you like
I love: warm places
I need: 2 forms of love
I have to: wake up to the reality I've created
I don't like: bubble baths.. haha
I hate: trying
I wish: you could have all the things you've ever needed and some of the things you've always wanted.

if you read it.. post a comment.. Thanx.

Do I wanna be philisophical, theoretical, or umm.. not.

Everything happens for a reason..?? I do thoroughly believe that, yes. Do I want it to be true? Only when it works out in my favor. Come on, I'm just being honest. Not only does it totally suck to come to that realization (fun new way of saying epiphany) with my life's speed bumps, but then I talk to people and things get pointed out to me. There's been times in my life when I want to forget the "bad" things and just move on. (Ok let me say something first.. I don't necessarily believe this is a bad thing, but it does suck) But even that is a thought that centered around just me. What if he does just need time to think?? Right now I'm just chock full of "what if's." As for now it's the waiting game. I wanted to just move on and be in control of the situation but it was pointed out that maybe I need to wait too. BUZZKILL. It's not a full on heart pain. I don't nearly know him well enough to have that. It's more of a dull ache. I want a normal, stable guy.. cute helps too but normal and stable is key. ONE DATE!!!! If your keeping up on this rant then you know what that means.. go back a few days and read it.. or feel free to re-read the entire account of the date and the events the followed. But today.. Today..?? Today I'm fogged... or would it be befogged?? Tay would know. Either way you know what I mean. You know those things football players use to pretend tackle?? That's what I feel like I'm doing but it's not moving. Tomorrow will be better..

Possibly the last letter... We'll see..

(We started talking again only end up not talking again. This is the last message I've sent to him.)

I don't get why this feels like it's not gonna go in the right direction, but here goes. I'm not even angry.. just confused. I don't know why you thought I was on a date. when you said "ooo who's the boy" i thought you were referring to what I'd texted you earlier that day when I said the girls at work wanted to meet you. Because that was the reply from you hours after that last message. Then i said huh and you said "the one your with" and I assumed you were referring to yourself and I said yup. Then got confused even more so when you told me to "enjoy". then said my date.

I'm so confused by this entire situation and it just doesn't help that the only communication we have and do lately is text. I don't even know if this it's the texts that have you not talking to me again but that's all I really got since I haven't heard from you.

I'm willing to do and try a lot of things.. I really wanted to see where this could go. A second date.. preferable. But there's gotta be some compromise.. There just has to. I get that your busy, and I admire that your organized and make and keep your commitments. But on my side I feel like I'm the only one trying to make it to the second date. I'm merely stating how I feel. C***.. I like you I really do. But this situation drives me crazy.. I wanted to talk.. I still want to talk. I guess I just still don't get you. If you find the the time to even make it this far into this message then I'd love to hear from you. Even if it's just to hear you say let's be friends, or you just aren't interested.. But, from my point of view, to just stop talking to me again, just kinda blows.

I'm not even sure if this helps the situation but it can't very well hurt it anymore. I won't text/call again until i hear from you... if i hear from you. but.. I hope I do.

A date, a Mistake, and not enough time in the day..

So what did I get out of this entire experience.. I'm not ready to date.. I take most of the responsibility for the mistake. I eluded to him not wanting to talk to me. I had a bad morning and the night before I was almost used to not talking and we sent a few texts back and forth to each other 2 each to be exact about how he dozed off and I replied with something generic, and he said something else and I said something else then that was it. He did text me randomly one night to ask me if I was awake. What did I fail to see?? WE ONLY WENT ON ONE DATE!!!! ONE!!!! THAT'S IT!!!! One of the things I saw today online yahoo dating advice.. stupid me decided to read it and one of the things that it said was "is he TOO into you??" and then went on to explain that if right away he's too into you then once your dating he's not that into you he was probably more interested in the chase and conquer rather than an actual relationship. For me that wasn't it. I guess I wanted to do what he didn't wanna do. Attempt rushing into something. The conclusion I've come to (knowing what I know, and doing what I do) was that if it were meant to be then it would be. No questions asked. I can't dwell, and I can't beat myself up. A few major lessons I've taken into account is that I need to take responsibility for my actions though it isn't always ALL my fault, everything can't be done in my time, sorry doesn't undo everything, and it's not all about me. We went on ONE DATE!!! Why am I still beating myself up?? I don't like the feeling that something that I thought could have been good and I let my stupid thinking run it/him away. Sorry didn't fix it though i don't believe it was totally my fault. If you know poker terms.. I was pot committed before the hand was dealt. That's really the best analogy I could come up with on short notice. Either way I'm pretty sure its over and done with.. And because i've been doing what i do and obsessing about it I deleted his phone number and texts, and i'm done too. I sent one last message earlier saying "I'm not sure how to ask if it was over before it started without it sounding bad but at least let me have the courtesy of knowing." not that i deserve that much or maybe I do.. I don't know. Maybe in the long run I was saved from something.. or he was saved from something, or even more semi-horrific and negative... maybe we were saved from each other. Or maybe it was supposed to happen so I'll know how to better treat "the one" and/or value him. But yeah I'm done for now.. on a totally brighter note I went to the under armour store today and got a new under armour jacket for 75 bucks. It's really light and I'm cold in it but it looks fantastic.. haha.. style before comfort.. had to have a happy homo moment..

Who are you and Who am I???

So the other day while tweeting I said that I'd had an epiphany. I said "I think I could relieve 15% of the stress from my life when I learn to accept people for who they are and not who I want them to be.." And what's happened today in I guess what would be considered a run-on epiphany is that I'm also not good at accepting what people do unless it's what I want them to do. HELLOooooo..~?~?~?~ it was meant to be ?!?!? but i think the tilde's work just fine as well. total tangent but whatever. OK. So when has anyone ever done what I want them to?? Well.. my run-on epiphany formed while I was angry.. In the fact that I wasn't angry at what someone was doing but that they weren't doing what I wanted them to. Can we say vague?? What does that matter.. This blog is about some of my inner workings.. At least it's about some of the ones that I can semi-diagnose (for lack of a better term). Something I read last night is that no one has all the answers. And sometimes.. just sometimes...

And that's it... That's where my rant stopped. Why semi bitch and moan about something as inane as an epiphany? This is the kind of stammering that goes on in my head a lot lately. But honestly, Here and Now... I met an amazing guy, I have a great job, I have a really awesome house, I have people in my life that care about me, and if you took enough time to make it to this point there's probably enough of a connection between us that makes you someone that might just matter a little more in my life than you know. And thank you..

Some people have luck and some people need luck.. Me..?? I'm privileged...

A latte, a missing story, and a date..

I can't tell the entire story I really can't. Morally, there might be someone that could read this and not like who I just went on a date with but let me say it was fantastic. First off, a little about me. I'm overly self-conscious. I've been on dates that went one of two ways. It was either hanging out once and never again or they weren't really who they said they were and aren't what I expected and get attached. Well this experience was totally different. We met online. I guess in the gay world may be a semi-healthy alternative to attempting to meet a guy in a bar. Anyway, we met online and started texting each other. A few nights ago it turned into a half hour phone call then later that night another phone call just over an hour and a half. The following night it was another hour and a half. I liked it. He totally seemed cool but I don't like to put all my eggs in the basket. I don't. Well I went to see Paranormal Activity 2 with Charlene and personally.. I liked it. Well he was maybe supposed to come with us. He had to work at 6 and potentially might have had to work til 10. The movie, on the other hand, started at 1010. Regardless of all of it his mom ended up calling and he had to drive almost 2 hours away to his parents to drive his dad to the doctor this morning so was unable to meet me last night. So tonight was the rain check and we met at Cafe Aroma. But I made mention that I really wanted to sit on a couch. Only because it being our first date I wanted to be as uncomfortably comfortable or comfortably uncomfortable as possible.. You know what I'm saying. Well we walk passed cafe aroma, passed Starbucks and make our way towards Spot Coffee. Long Story short we made out.. a lot. A LOT!!! He's a really good kisser. But while we were still at Spot I got up to get my coffee and he sent me a text message but being the gentleman I am I silenced my phone so I didn't get the message until I sat back down next to him. The message..?? "Ur adorable." I started blushing like there was no tomorrow. I showed him the tweet saying that he was totally cute. But in the first phone convo we had he mentioned that he liked dark chocolate. So what did I do?? I got him some Dark chocolate covered sponge candy, raisins, and peanut clusters. And he bought me my coffee.. Officially the date went well and when we ended it he said "can I call you tonight before I go to bed?" and I said yes... I'm gonna get ready for bed and get ready for my phone call. More to come... I hope..

The New apartment..

A little about the place first... It's a five bedroom house. 4 upstairs and 1 downstairs. I have the bedroom downstairs. The only that that sucks is that there's only 1 bathroom. Other than that it's a great place. You can see by the pics where there were some touch ups and where some touch ups need to be done but other than that just some TLC and it'll be great. The cable is coming sometime next week to get setup and we'll have cable in all five bedrooms including HD and DVR in the living room and HD in a second living room in the basement.

Ok so I'm starting with my bedroom. It's a little smaller width wise but is longer than the rest.


Don't worry I've already changed the curtains and I think I'm gonna have to buy some new blinds and some stuff to go up on the walls..


This is one side of the kitchen. There's so much more counter space than the old apartment. Which means the microwave, crock pot, rice cooker, and electric skillet don't have to go on top of the fridge. Let's also not forget the coffee pot and the toaster oven.


I like to two pictures they had hanging up on the wall when we moved in. They may just stay up.



This is the gi-normous dining room. To the left you can see an indent which could make it an excellent place for a desk but the dining room itself is huge. There's a shelf that goes around the room and behind that wall is my room. I wasn't an original room, obviously, I think it was a porch type deal. But hey, it worked out for me.


Yes the chimney part has to be re-painted but the shelf space on either side is great.


For the indent part in this room which I believe will be our living room, my roommate just bought us a 52 inch projection TV. The TV that we have in our living room now which I think is a 37 in flat-screen will go in the basement for out second living room. There's also a little closet in there near the door.


stained glass that you can see better in the next pic.


Flowers or pictures on the landing??


First 2 bedrooms on the left.


2nd 2 bedrooms on the right. The orangy room has the access to the attic. One of those cool pull the string ones and the stairs come flying down at you. And that's the bathroom to the far left.


Some of those bulbs need to be replaced but that can't be too difficult.


There's the treadmill and stair stepper I just bought. To the left of that will be my bench and to the right of all of it.. hopefully will go an exercise bike. I've tested out the both and almost fell off the treadmill when it shifted on me. I gotta put something in front of the wheels but it's the best spot only cuz I'm five eleven, and I'm too tall to put it anywhere else in the basement. 2 feet to the right and my head was hitting a pipe.


This is where the second living room is gonna go. That TV's gotta go and that table can be moved. There's gonna be an area carpet go to down on the floor and more furniture.

So all in all it's a great place. $1200 a month and everything split 5 ways. With utilities I'm lookin at about 300 to 350 a month which is not at all bad for an entire house. I'm excited and I've been moving stuff yesterday and today. Saturday is the official day the big stuff is getting moved and we'll officially be IN.

Looking for a new apartment..

So the time has come to look for a new apartment. There are a few websites that I check just about every day for a number of things. Craigslist, Hotmail, Twitter, and on occasion Ebay, and Youtube. Well I've been checking Craigslist religiously to see if there's apartments available. What we're looking for is a five bedroom apartment. Let's start off that one roommate wanted to go with the cheapest place possible which thank god someone talked him out of. Let's just jump to my experience today with the grand apartment search and where it landed us. We've seen pictures of the inside and none of the outside. Not only that but the neighborhood isn't that great. What I've tried to do is give up what I want (with a little fight, of course) and just let it go where it needs to go. Today we check out the apartment and one roommate says the place looks like it's ready to fall apart. So we check out a second place and it was kind of tiny. Well let's just say I wasn't ready to completely give up the search though it was looking a little grim. Whatevs.. I sent an email to a bunch of people with 5 bedroom apartments and got a bite (so to speak). So while it's looking a little grim at the second place I make a phone call to someone that attempted to reach me while I was at work and wanted to talk about the 5 bedroom I saw online. He says the HOUSE has 5 bedrooms is upper and lower, the rent is $1200 which was lowered from $1450 because on both apartments at the same price he had people ready to sign and they bailed at the last minute. He said they belong to a neighborhood association so snow removal and lawn care is taken care of. He said all 5 bedrooms are big as well as the living room, dining room, and kitchen. All the time he's telling me this I'm doing the happy dance. He said he has two apartments and the one we want sounds absolutely amazing. He said if you guys like barbeques this is the place for that too. It has the perfect yard and best front porch. Ok so we set up appointments to check out the place tomorrow. With the 4 roommates we have now it'll be 600 per person up front. If we get a 5th person it'll be 480 up front. But upon re-reading the ad it says the lease is for 9 months only. Does that mean if we want to stay past 9 months we can't?? We'll see.. Though looking back on that last thought it seems ridiculous. We're gonna check it out tomorrow and ask all the questions we like. It may just be an excellent house or its gonna be crap. off to bed. oh and one other thing. I remembered that my last not-date with dave was breakfast last Thursday and it was fun. I actually referred to it this time as a date and he was ok with that. I'm not even sure he noticed.. I sent it to him in a text and just said "so our breakfast date is still on right?" and he replied with yes. But after our breakfast not date we set up 2 more not-dates.. potentially dates, and he paid for the food. So me being the guy I am said ok well I'll leave a tip and on a 19 dollar check left the waitress a 10 dollar tip.. And even that I felt like I was shorting her. Eh.. I'm gonna hang with him again this week then dinner next week with some "parent" types, as it was put to me. Ok off to bed. Lighter note: not feeling so bad today.. the past 2 days were rough.

At the farm apple picking... Gonna miss ya Rach..

So we went apple picking just yesterday morning and Rachel made me promise I'd have the pics to her by last night. I came through and sent her the pics and she came through and sent me her pics.. This one's for you Rach.. Good Luck and I'll miss you.. Can't wait for next year Apple Picking 2011 TBA...

Apple picking 2010.. Rach and Sabrena

This is where the drive started.. I liked the pic so when we drove passed it and I gasped Rach said we'd stop on the way back for this photo opportunity..


This is the same farm the Rach and I went to last year... It sprinkled on us the whole time and it was just the two of us having fun in the rain picking apples. We were the only 2 patrons that came to the farm at that point and the lady was so happy we came she put on warm cider right away and seemed to have as much fun as we did. She was there this time but I think she got a late start cuz we got there at 1030 and when we were getting ready to leave at about 1145 she was just getting there.




This is for anyone that might want to visit this place.. I like it...


The apple bags look like drums..



Excellent view..



I never really was good with rules... side note:.. backside not looking bad these days.. ;)


Bad girl....


I'm surprised we didn't get dirtier.. We went for the hard to reach apples...


Exhibit A


Exhibit B


Exhibit B-2.. Caught red handed...


Long rows... That's all really


My input on this was.. "I'm sure I've probably had pesticides before... I don't see why we can't eat them." Total apples eaten along the way.. 2. We ate part of a pear too but it was too hard.. Little did we know that on the sheet I got on the way out that we broke every rule that gets grandpa's blood boiling.. It actually says that on their info sheets.. "5 things that gets Grandpa's blood boiling."


Sabrena looks confused...



So that's it... A fun time had yet again this year picking apples. Rach is moving back to Florida and I am going to miss her. It was part of the reason this apple outing was so important.. One last hurrah... She leaves next week.. Though last year her and I said we'd come back this year to go apple picking again and this year we made it. So this year we made plans for next year to come back and go to this farm again.. probably later in the season though so we have more choices.

I got a large bag of apples, cinnamon apple butter, a pound of mini pears, and 3 small pumpkins (1 orange, 1 white, and 1 that looks like a watermelon) ok.. so I last minute decided to post a pic of those with my phone.. The big yellow one in the back is from last year and it's still good. The lady at the farm was pretty surprised that it was still ok from last year but it reminds me of the little octopus on finding nemo.. The one with one short tentacle..


I would like to go again this year if anyone is interested..

oh and the address is:

Blackman Homestead Farm

4472 Thrall Rd.
Lockport, NY 14094
(716) 434-7116

Open Daily 9am-6pm

The Job Offer.... Flattered but declined...

So I'm at work today and the numerous things that happen happened today. There's no phone line, and what goes through phone lines? Credit cards. We had no credit cards today, or yesterday. Well yesterday was just an all around bad day and I'm trying to make the best of today even with the worst conditions. Well not the worst but mediocre at best. Anyway I'm doin my thing and taking care of a couple and they're finished eating this is how the conversation went.

Me: here's your slip and thank you guys for coming and have a nice day.
Man: hey.. I just wanted to tell you that your an awesome waiter. Have you ever thought about doing sales?
Me: I've done it.. It's not really for me.
Man: Well I like the way you handle yourself and I manage a Cricket store down on ____ and ____ and I'd love to have you on my staff....
Me (flabbergasted): Well that's extremely flattering but I make a great living here and I'm mostly happy but really thank you for the offer.
Man: You ever change your mind, come talk to me.
Me: Thank you..

I was definitely in a good mood the rest of the day. He thought I was a good server and carried myself well. Thanx guy. Even though it was just a cricket store who cares... =)

Labor day and volleyball finally posted...

So this is where it all started.. ok... let's start it this way.. I DID NOT WANT TO GO TO THIS PICNIC (only because the weather said it was going to be 65 and raining all day). Am I glad I went?? YES. I had a great time.. The pavilion was great just like last year only this year I bought a fantastic new camera that captured everything I wanted it to.



This is just a gazebo.. (duh..)



This is the beach that we played volleyball on all day. So it was a little cool and was a little windy but that did ever stop us before.. I think not.



So stupid me was getting angry that my camera wouldn't focus.. helloooooo MCFLYYYYY it was trying to focus on a rainbow.. and a far away one at that. It did it's job...


This is where the volleyball action took place and notice.. no one else around.. beautiful clouds though. At one point there were a few Roberts Wesleyan students that played volleyball with some of my friends and they were cool. One was totally cute too.. Wouldn't mind seeing him again next year... woof. haha


My new camera takes fantastic pictures... There's no story that goes along with this bird other than I was standing in the water when I took it. The air was freezing cold but the water was nice and warm.



And this is how our picnic ended. If you look close enough it looks like a mini hurricane off in the distance. It's not (duh again) but... I like the shade of blue that was cast on everything and the pinkish sky in the back. It was kinda of cold but it was a great day I would have hated to miss. That's all for now but I will be posting a lot more pics.... I took them with a Nikon Coolpix L22 12 mega pixel.. BTW.. I definitely recommend Nikon's..

On the phone with I guess a past acquaintance...

Conversation with the High School Guidance Secretary:

GS: Hello
Me: Hi.. How do I get my transcript sent to me...??
GS: Last name
Me: ****
GS: First name
Me: ********
GS: Date of birth
Me: 12/20/81 (future reference for birthday presents)
GS: What year did you graduate?
Me: ** (don't wanna sound old)
GS: Where do you want me to send this?
Me: My address is *** _____ place, in buffalo.. 14***
GS: Am I sending this to you??
Me: Yes...
GS: OK.. But if I send this to you, you can't open it.
Me: Ummmmm
GS: If I send this to you and you open it, they won't accept it..
Me: Umm... Ok I won't open it... I promise...
GS: HAHA ok...
Me: oh my god thank you so much (And still remember.. I'm not even that gay)(It's just my phone voice....)
GS: oh your welcome...

You just gotta know how to talk to people... =P

Lost and Found

After weeks of racking my brain to try to remember if I knew what the knob was that went missing when someone broke into my car I finally remembered... The dimmer knob that lets me turn up and down the brightness on my dash... No need to worry.. I turned it up all the way before the swarthy immigrant ran off with it... If your quiet.. it will come...

An "oh my god is this really happening" moment.... and the atmosphere...

I've had those moments... Ok so I have them a lot. Not so much in the sense that "Oh my god we're gonna crash.." or the "oh my god I just won a million dollars." But sometimes it happens with just a gasp and then me realizing it's not really as great an epiphany as I at first thought. Perfect example... "*gasp* It'd be a great to go to the movies on Tuesday. No wait.. It's really short notice and someone's probably not gonna be able to come... oh well." But this time.. It was a really big thing. I'm sitting in the livingroom and we're (me and my roommates) are watching tv and I decide... "Hey.. let's see if I got any good late night emails." *it happens* We're gonna back it up just a scoche... I have no idea how to spell that... spell check says it's wrong but if you could see the look on my face you would be able to tell how much I care.. Anyway.. So I decide I'd like to go back to school. Where to begin??? Well 2 majors come up right away... I could go back for what I originally went to school for which was acting. But, as in previous posts, I'm musically inclined and love getting good attention so option 2 was Music Performance. Back in the day I enjoyed going to UB because there was such a vast array of people. There was a good chance that if I'd gone a different route that day and happened to stumble upon you.. I wouldn't ever see you again. The amount of people at that school was crazy. And I know what you're thinking and yes I am a people watcher. I love being in crowds and just watching people. So I start to think that ECC wasn't the choice for me but I needed a jumping off point to get to a school that may tickle my fancy aka Buff State. It's by no means nearly as big as UB but I'd been around campus a few times and like the atmosphere. So naturally I go online and get a school catalog mailed to me and as I open the book a big description of what I thought my life calling could be was staring me in the face. PHOTOGRAPHY... back at UB I was friends with a girl that was a Photography major and though she did like photography I didn't get a feeling of fulfillment. After simmering with that for a bit I've come to the conclusion I could make that option 4. So I need a jumping off point.. don't worry.. we're getting to the "oh my god..." moment. I say I a lot.... whatevs... Ok so I think going to ECC would be a good start.. my jumping off point... I was looking at Char's (a co-worker/best friend) course catalog and something popped out to me. Automotive... Let's get one thing straight first... I don't like to get dirty or sweaty... I don't... But I love the feeling of accomplishment. I love the feeling that I've fixed something with my own two hands. I get that feeling when I get rid of the viruses on our computer at home. haha... On the camping trip this past weekend I got both dirty and sweaty and it didn't bother me. Well it bothered me to think I might start to smell... But quickly realized I didn't care. I truly and honestly believe I might be really good at this. Is it permanent..?? Who knows... I know how I'd look at someone like me and think ok whatever. But the fact remains that I already believe I'd be really good at this and might actually enjoy it and it's being fueled by the reaction I've gotten being paired with the underlying tone of "yeah right," is almost stamping an approved sign on my decision. If I don't like automotive or it just isn't me then who cares.. I've got all the time in the world. At least believe in me... That's all... So I'm close to having my application complete and I'm months away from starting school. So the "oh my god" moment came when I do a late night check of the elusive email and receive a message from New York State Higher Education that upon reviewing my application for financial aid I am eligible. *GASP* OH MY GOD!!!! hahaha A second chance and a million options... Now if only my dating life could send me emails on my application I'd be set... haha... I know.. ungrateful. haha... But seriously... If even for one second I can really value this opportunity (life, school, etc...) for what it is.. then I will have valued it more than my previous experience. I don't feel that opportunities are few and far between... I just gotta look a little harder and be a little more positive (with a little help, that is). And for those that believe in me (and even those who don't).... Good night...

Love Always... Randy

ROAD TRIP!!!!

Ok so I'm not the best at not getting my way.. I'll totally admit that. So we decide to leave Thursday and I find out we're not leaving Thursday and will leave Friday night instead. What happened?? I threw a little tantrum and stayed up til 5 and watched tv and played on the internet and ate hummus and a pita. Did I need to do that?? maybe.. For the lesson, at least. Anyway, we leave Friday night and start off at Walmart in Springville at almost 11 at night. We took forever to decide what we're going to have for dinner but go back to the original plan of having steak for dinner our first night at the cabin. So steak, green beans, and pasta roni for dinner. The next morning we get up to be at Allegheny state park ASAP. We get up and we head to Salamanca to have breakfast which we did. The little diner we stopped at was great. It kind of reminded me of a little diner in Buffalo on Kenmore. JJ's... They have good breakfasts and they're cheap. Well anway I had a ham breakfast with 2 eggs over easy, and potatoes.. I also decided to have pancakes but the waitress said it was too much so I split it with one of my friends. OMG... the first night we got there and something came up on the porch and pushed the front door open. It was kinda funny only because there was one that was totally freaked out and wouldn't stop talking about it and every 10 seconds would gasp and say "did you hear that?" So we make it to the park (and i'm going to keep this as short as possible only cuz it's late and I have to work in the morning.) and start off at stone tower... it was kinda cool. It was cooler to read all the things that people spray painted on the walls. So we leave there and decide to go on a "small" hike and someone heard about bear caves. I found it on the map and we head there. It was totally more fun than I thought it was going to be. I'd been hiking as a kid and it was really more of a nature walk. Not that this hike was hardcore but it was still fun. We found some of the caves and met some semi-interesting people to talk to on the way. We actually went into 2 of the caves and on the way out of one I slightly injured myself. eh.. it happens. We leave and head to the beach and we were there about an hour or so. There was a grill right on the beach to we stopped and had burgers and hot dogs, and cantaloupe and watermelon. We leave the beach and head back to the cabin to get washed up and head to another friends house for a fire and s'mores. We didn't stay long.. only cuz it started raining. We headed back to the cabin with 2 more friends.. total of six now and we played dice and hung out. OH... I also forgot to mention that the room of the cabin we stayed in had bunk beds. I almost got stuck staying in the other room because I snore... sometimes kinda loud but I do. But I add the disclaimer that when I'm in a weird place sometimes I don't sleep as well and might not snore. Then after the thing pushed the door open the first night there was no way I was sleeping alone in that room. I didn't snore... Ok so last morning we're there and we sleep in and have breakfast.. well it was a really late breakfast.. ok so it was breakfast but we had it for lunch. We didn't start cooking til noon and didn't actually eat until almost 2. But we cooked 2 pounds of bacon, 1 1/2 loaves of bread (a full loaf of french toast and half a loaf for regular toast), 2 dozen eggs (1 dozen for the french toast, and 1 dozen to eat) between 4 of us. All of it was eaten except 1 piece of french toast. Then the friend's family's cabin we stay in had to mow the lawn. He goes to mow the lawn and a tire falls off. He goes out to fix it and comes back in 10 minutes later to tell us another tire fell off. Goes to fix it then comes back in to tell us another 2 tires are about to fall off and it's not gonna get done. We played dice for another few hours and just sat and enjoyed our afternoon with nothing to do. We drove back and were in buffalo around 530. Excellent weekend.. Oh and there were talks of going to the Adirondacks next year to go hiking for five days... CAN'T WAIT!!!! ok .. so that was my weekend.. I'm sure I'll remember more... whatevs... G'nite..

The dreaded family reunion...

So my mother and my father separated when I was 5 years old. When I was 10 I found my father and he secretly gave me a key to his apartment and I would regularly visit him. I'm still not sure if I ever told my mom that.. maybe I will. But when I was 19 my dad died. Even a little more background on me... My mom has been married 5 times.. She's been married to my step-father for about 22 years now and she was married to my father before him and 3 times before that.. hence 5. Well my older brothers' dad died a few years before mine and while my dad was in the hospital my mom brought me and my younger sister to visit him. Sitting in the cafeteria we weren't talking a whole lot and silence sometimes makes me uncomfortable but in the moment I threw something out hoping it'd brighten the mood. I said to my mom "Well... At least your doing better than 50 percent of your ex-husbands..." I nailed it.. She and my younger sister both started laughing and we just talked... it was great. Well I get a text from my younger sister telling me that there's a family reunion coming up. Let's see.. I haven't seen most of my father side of the family in let's say about 15 years. I went to an uncle's funeral a couple months ago and 2 cousins didn't even recognize me. Well to speed things along, last minute, I decided to go. I told people that my sister was guilting me into it when really... I think I was guilting myself. I mean... I had no reason not to go. So it was in Niagara Falls and I drive up to find out that my sister's phone is off and that I have no idea where in the park they are. So I sit and finally about 15 minutes later she answered.. I was parked approximately 30 feet from where she was standing waiting for me. So I come over to the rest of the family and had to be re-introduced to some and introduced to others for the first time. As I'm standing there I hear someone yell "WHO WANTS TO PLAY KICKBALL????" In my head I'm thinking I'm gonna stick around for 30 minutes tops and bail. Well I again starting guilting myself saying I wouldn't leave my sister and her four daughters there so I tried my best to lighten up a little. Well her girls started to get a little rowdy, a 7 yr old, a 5 yr old, a 2 yr old and less than a year old, they're a handful. So she decides it's time to go home. I don't know where it came but she asked if I was leaving too and I heard the words come out "no... I think I'm gonna stick around a bit." We hugged and off she went. So I, a little less uncomfortably, went and grabbed an italian sausage and sat down next to one of two cousins that wouldn't stop talking to me. I figured it was better to talk uncomfortably to someone than sit in a crowd not talking to anyone. I realized I wasn't uncomfortable. Just because I haven't seen anyone in years didn't mean I wasn't family. My cousin Samantha told me they play kickball at every family picnic and now that she had my info my sister and I could come to more picnics. I was actually happy that she said that. I stayed about an hour and everyone was getting ready to leave. Just as I was about to leave they decided to take the family picture. I wanna say there was about 45 people. I said my goodbyes to my aunts, unlces, and the cousins that wouldn't stop talking to me and went to my car. But, just before my sister left she tells me that they gave her my fathers ashes.. I said "ummmmm... he died like what.. 9 years ago???" And she's like yeah. We discussed what was gonna happen but I found that odd that his ashes were held onto for 9 years to be given to us. Now that I look back on it I don't think her and I, as a 19 yr old and a 16 year old, would really have known what to do with them. After it was over and I was on my way home.. I was totally glad I went. I didn't talk to all of my cousins and the beginning was a little uncomfortable. Some of them were probably just as uncomfortable with me being there... the estranged cousin.. But it turned out to be good experience and one more thing to prove me and my sister are alike.. As she was getting into her van I said, "I gotta get out of here..... I gotta go to starbucks." And she said "... oh i know... I'm stopping at Tim Hortons on the way.." haha. I'm kinda looking forward to next year.. and before I forget... R.I.P. Daddy...

SYTYCD.. So You Think You Can Dance

From left to right is Robert, Lauren, and Kent. Ok so I may be a total loser for this but wednesday nights show was great and Adechike seemed like he was laying it on pretty heavy about it being hard being a male dance in Brooklyn. Really?? Let me know where it's kosher to be a male dance... other than San Francisco.. haha. From my previous twitter posts.. I didn't think Robert was going to make it, I really didn't. We all knew Kent and Lauren would. I was actually shocked to find that Robert made it into the top 3. He's almost too gay to function... My roommate swears that Kent is gay.. Me? I'm not so sure. He's just young..and well a male dancer. Not too much saying he's straight but not enough to tip the scales toward gay. And I LOVE Lauren. She's an amazing dancer and she takes all the attention from everyone when she dances. So I'm off team Kent and have been for about 2 weeks or so now. But the other night I did call and vote 3 times for each of them. If it came down to it I would have said Lauren or Adechike.. I don't know if she's got it in the bag but if it weren't a popularity contest now I'd say she has it. I can't wait for next week...!!!

I am so smart.. and angry at the same time..

For reasons unknown the computer in my apartment is almost always riddled with viruses. This time we had the "congratulations you've won" virus. What would happen?? Well internet explorer would randomly open random websites all the time. Not only would it do that but while the computer was at the screen that lets us pick whose account to go into there would be pages loading on the separate accounts. Kind of like a thief hiding behind the door waiting for you to come in. To add to the excitement the speakers would randomly says "CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU'VE WON!!!" Which kinda sucked when someone forgot the turn the speakers down in the middle of the night. So I started googling things... If you know me at all... you know I like to google. I like to google the sh*t out of things. So naturally it's the first place I turned. Long story short I found out how to get into safe mode (the computer wouldn't let me do it from the boot screen), get progams to get rid of said virus (1 out of 8 worked), fix the registry (no clue), and repair windows xp without a CD (well this particular issue anyway). How long did it take me...? About 3 days.. Again.. If you know me.. you know I'm not really good with patience. I'd get about an inch of information and well let's just say I really put google to work. Through it all, no more speaker problems.. ooooh and when the virus that seems to be gone was taken care of we couldn't get rid of any of the programs I downloaded because the computer would tell me "windows cannot find rundll32.exe" Which is how the registry came in to play. People on the internet love to give information away and there's almost always a free way of doing things. There's a couple sites that I could have posted all things and having run a program that would give them all the info they wanted.. I didn't have enough patience for that but they're there. I guess this is really just and ode to google. After fixing the rundll32 thing I was able to rid the other 7 anti-virus programs that acutally did nothing other than tell me I had 307.. yes three hundred and seven errors on this computer and it could all be taken care of for a complete download priced at $29.99. So to end this entry...

Dear Google,
I still love you.
~Love Randy
P.S. You say potato.. I say F*ck You.. (That's for Taylor)

A business letter to the person who broke into my car

Dear Sir or Madam,
I hope the one dollar you took from my console really helps out. Had you looked further you would have notice 2 more dollars in another spot. *amateur* I'm sorry my car was such a mess.. had it been clean I would have noticed a little faster that my personal belongings were rummaged through. My first thought on entering my car this morning.. "What's this doing here??" After I realized my console was partially removed and just left there.. I'm assuming you noticed I don't have a very expensive radio and it would have caused more grief for you to have actually gotten it out of my car. Besides the inexpensive radio, I mean come on.. it only has a tape deck, those quarters you got definitely add up. Just off the top of my head I'm guessing you got about 3 dollars... and even that's being generous. It (the radio) might have gotten you a little further than the dollar but not much. Other than that you stole a knob that I don't remember having. As I further investigated I realized I have no idea there was a knob there or have any clue what it did. I believe that is the only thing that made me angry. In conclusion, I would like to thank you for reminding me to always lock ALL of my doors when exiting my car and that single dollar bills and change are worth the effort.. I'll use that bit of advice at work.
Love Always ~Randy
P.S. I'm sorry even my glove compartment didn't have anything fun/of value for you but thank you for putting it all back...

Not dates and whatnot...

Dude... ok so I met this guy and we've been out a few times.. I explained what we do to a few people and they all say we're pretty much dating.. and I say no.. we're hanging out. And they always say.. "well to me it sounds like your dating." Who knows?? The first time we hung out we went to have coffee and sat and talked for 2 hours. The second time we hung out we went to dinner at a diner and ate and talked for 2 hours. The third time we hung out we went to the movies and saw a mediocre movie. That was kinda funny cuz at one point he leaned over to say something and I leaned over too. He said it and I giggled and he turned and realized how close we were and kinda moved away. *point number one - he moved away* And the current last time we hung out we met at Delaware park at about 1015 and walked around the park and talked. I think there may have been a few times where there were "moments" but I'm still unsure. He made mention when I was talking about another friend that "you really need to hang out a few times to get to know someone before you start dating them." His voice changed and got a little louder when he said it like he was trying to make a point and/or implying something. After that we were standing on the bridge and like 50 fish swam up to us and he definitely stared at me a couple times. Later on when we were just still walking and talking we were on the little dock they have and I asked if he thought it was safe and he said "well if I fall in I'm taking you with me," and I totally blushed (which I don't do... a lot) and just giggled a little. When we ended the night he gave an open invite for the following afternoon which at that point I'd had plans but they fell through but he said he'd be at his house haha gardening and I could join him. The point that was made previously about him moving away is what makes me keep referring to them as "not dates." Because I'm not completely sure. It does sound like dating but maybe he's just a guy who really likes to make sure before he dates ORRRRR he really does only want to be friends. Ok fine I'll admit I do like him a little. He's a little more reserved than I like and I'd be the crazier side of the 2 but I think I've always been that guy in my past "relationships". So to end this rant yes I do like him (there ya go char). 100%?? not yet. On a completely different side of it he's semi-interesting. We'll see where this goes.. I'm willing to wait and find out. =) over and out...

Still one of my bestest friends ABT.. Happy Birthday

So maybe one of the most memorable years of my life was the fall of 2002. I met a few of the most special people in my life. One... an ex that will always have a piece of my heart, a friend that unfortunately I no longer have but to find out after having gone to school together for years had a lot more in common than we thought.. and last but never least.. ABT. Happy Birthday B. First name Amanda, middle name Blair.. and I'm not gonna post the last name but so any of the other 2 people that read this know when I say Blair I'm talking about her. So that year started out with my next door neighbor and soon to be newest best friend telling me "watch out for that girl next door.. she's a real b*tch." I said oh man.. I don't wanna live next to her if she's gonna be a b*tch. So I walk past the bathroom and she's brushing her teeth and I smile and she doesn't smile back and I think to myself... "man... she is a b*tch." haha She probably had no idea I was there but that was my first run in. As the weeks passed I found out she wasn't the b*tch I thought she was at all. As I sit here and think of all the fun things that have happened in our 8 years together I'd be sitting here typing forever so I'm just gonna type mostly about that year. Also.. the same year I met her fab sister Taylor. So I'm standing outside Blair's room knocking on her door, because I heard someone in there, and the door opens and I see Taylor and I start with "*GASP* YOU'RE NOT BLAIR!!!" And she said something to the effect of.. "NOPE!!" not so loudly... kind of eyeore-ish. haha The one day we're in the lounge and the RA walks in and says hey guys I'm just seein how everyone's doing and Blair says.. "oh... we're cooking." Doug the RA walks out and I start laughing. I say to her "COOKING?!?! I'M USING THE MICROWAVE AND YOUR USING THE TOASTER." and she says... "yeah... cooking...." Throughout the years we've gone through the "PUT ON YOUR TIE!!!" phase and the "PANTS SHARDING" phase and the "DEAR BLAIR..." phase and famously the "hitch kick barrel roll" phase. We also had some bumpy times. All of which I partly believe helped me to get where I am today (when enough was enough). To have had and still have some of the friends that were there. Me working at the Tralf and Blair thinking she was smoking a marb light.. hahaha. It wasn't... Me finding out Gwen Stefani stole all Blair's good dance moves... and even some of the not so good ones. Finding out that if Taylor were to jump.. Blair's gonna jump too (we found that out when Tay saw a snake, screamed and jumped into the lake and Blair followed suit having no idea why) *fight or flight* haha **inside jokes** "Blair.. I made us some soup..." "Blairrrr... I rented us a video...." **inside jokes over** Good times or bad I wouldn't change any of it for the world. Blair.. 8 years later and we're still going strong..

Thank you for being there and I love you.

~Love Randy...

P.S. This was the other card I thought about sending but the one I sent was totally perfect.

My new loves... and inside jokes with a stranger =)

Let's talk about my new loves. I'm trying a new things where I watch an entire season of a show. Come on.. it's worth it. I did it for Buffy.. and I did it for Charmed. Both were amazing... this time I am that gay. But anyway so I'm trying to get into some new shows. I've started watching Glee which I totally like but only got into it half way through the season. Bonus, two friends got into it while I was watching it at home and they enjoy it as well. Double Bonus they're starting the season over for the summer ANNNNNNDDDD John Stamos is going going to be on it next season. Uncle Jesse is joining Glee. A whole other reason to watch. So I decided on attempting So you think you can dance. I know I know... gay. Well, my roommates like to watch it for the girls in scant clothing.. me..?? The guys in scant clothing... haha. So two of the six guys I'm totally enjoying. Kent the young farm boy, and Adechike the arrogant black guy. Even Kat after his first show said in his (Kent's) ear "you are too cute." I agree Kat. I even recorded a part of it to show Char so she can agree with me. Adechike.. ok. I don't really like black guys. I never really have. oh so phonetically you say his name like ADD-UH-CHEE-KAY. I've never really been attracted to black guys, but his arrogance... oh yeah. It does it for me. The other dancers are way too gay for me. Except the guy that doesn't have formal training.. he's fun to watch. He reminds of me one of Madonna's backup dancers that I've always had a raging crush on. Mihran. At the end of the auditions I said to myself "If kent doesn't make it I'm done with this show." Well he made it and I personally think he's not really gonna win but he's gonna come close. Thank you DVR for allowing me to fall in love all over again. twice... wait three times. THREE?? Umm hello Kat Deeley... She's every gay man's fantasy hag. Tall, thin, blond, and british. She does it for me on a whole different level. Oh and a new friend. My new friend D and I went out for coffee last week. I was totally unsure as to how it was going to turn out. He's looking for a platonic friendship. Me too I guess. So we texted and emailed and decided Spot Coffee on elmwood would be the place. But we didn't exchange pictures we just decided to meet there. So in the social confusion that is Spot Coffee there's guys walking past me and in my head I'm saying "I could hang out with that guy.. I could hang out with that guy... I hope it's not that guy. Please not that guy." At one point though a normal looking guy in a Geneseo sweater walks past me and I see him whip out his phone and start texting and right away I think... "please let my phone buzz please let my phone buzz." What happened?? BZZZZZZZZZZZZ the text read "I'm in a gray Geneseo sweater and shorts." I walked up, shook his hand, introduced myself, and told him where I was going to sit and he got his coffee and joined me. I went in with no expectations (ok very little expectations) and came out with a new friend. He's normal... He actually lives a few blocks from my house and has a weird schedule like me. And surprisingly we talked for 2 hours. Family stuff, movie stuff, work stuff, even running stuff.. Running update - I actually did start running every day on June 1st. I missed one day. There just wasn't enough time in the day to do it that day. I'm an early riser. Even on my days off I like to get up around 9ish to get sh*t done. But I was really busy that day and just didn't have time. I can officially make it all the way around the golf course side of delaware park without stopping first thing in the morning. If I do it in the afternoon, after having ate breakfast and lunch and drank a bunch of water and/or diet coke I run out of steam a little quicker but want to go just a bit further to compensate. I'm starting find that I can do, bare minimum, a full mile without stopping which is great seeing as a month ago I could barely make it a couple hundred feet before being bested. The mile is easy now. Well.. as easy as it gets after 2 weeks. And I always feel like a million bucks when I'm done. ALWAYS. And to end this particular entry the other day I pull into Delaware park to run and as I return to my car a woman in the car behind me asks if I think she could make it around before it rained. I, for some strange reason, assume she's going to run and I say yes. As she steps out of the car in jeans and grabs her umbrella *cut to me feeling bad for making a quick assumption and giving advice based on it*. Today, I get to the park and get out of my car with my friend K and she's parked behind me and yells out the window, "HEY!!! I did make it around before it rained. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA" I almost fell over laughing cuz she was laughing and I totally didn't think she was going to make it but did feel a little better after getting home, showering, and leaving only to find it hadn't rained yet. Meanwhile my friend K looks at me and says "dude... hook me up." haha all I said was I don't know her. Inside joke with the young pretty black lady at the park. Note to self: No more latte's after 10PM. (I had something to do but got stuck in traffic) (not that even if i didn't have something to do or get stuck in traffic that I wouldn't still be up). Good Night... WAIT I didn't finish with my new friend D. Good thing I kinda proofread before I post. Ok so his schedule is uber weird and well he texted me this afternoon to tell me he's sorry he hasn't had time to talk to me. I replied with call me later and he did. I called him back and he said he'd like to have coffee or dinner. I asked about Sunday and he said sure. He has rowing class til 3 and I have to work til 4ish. Char asked if it was a date and I'm almost positive it isn't. I can't start liking a guy until I'm positive he likes me (that usually involves him telling me). Until that happens he's my platonic friend D. I could like him though. On the side of the coin that says "back to me" running even for 20 minutes in the sun makes me just a little browner every day. Lovin the tan. Ok now I absolutely need to go to bed so I can get up and get sh*t done. really Good Night this time.

running with a new phone...

So there's a couple new things going on with me. I'm attempting to run regularly.. what's happened so far?? I made it two days and today would be the 3rd and i just couldn't get up. BUT... that doesn't mean it's over. Right?? Let's see how long it lasts this time. I got a new phone.. It's great. I started to get a little skeptical. I started youtubing video's on what other people thought. One gave a really bad review. I started excited then it went downhill. Right away I start thinking well I could send it back and get a different one. Either way what did I do?? Wait it out and come to my own conclusion. It's a rumor touch. Two things I said I didn't want in a phone. A full keyboard, or a touch screen. Now I have both. It's not that bad. The first day I totally just played with my phone. The second day I played around with some of the features. I can't text as fast as I could "the old fashioned way" with the numbers but I'm not completely used to it yet. I'll get used to it. I like it a little more every day.

2 Similar situations with totally different thoughts

So I went to my favorite shopping place (Wegmans) to get groceries for a late night dinner and... ok wait... About a year and a half ago I was in Target and as I'm checking out the cashier is just being kinda rude. I walk away thinking.. "what a bitch..." After making it approximately 3 more steps the idea pops into my head that she's probably been there all day and has probably been going through her own personal hell with customers. In my head I kinda apologized for having thought that about her. If it were me... I might have acted the same way.. who knows? So tonight I'm at wegmans in the 15 items or less express lane and there's a guy in front of me with 6, 1 liter bottles of coke and in front of him a couple with approximately 45 things. First thing that pops into my head is "WTF!!! Are you seriously going to be 'those people'?" The guy in front of me clearly annoyed and making overly sarcastic comments to the female customer. Her boyfriend walks up and I flash him a look of "really...?" So the man in front of me checks out and I ask the cashier "does that bother you when people do that?" And she replies with... "Not at all." It him me that I may have been completely wrong. It might not have been the couple's fault at all. What if they walked up and there was no one in line and it was the cashier that said to come in her line. The same thing happened. I was more or less apologizing in my head to them. So quick to be narrow minded about people's actions. I felt genuinely bad about flashing them a look. She giggled about being in line with so many things but I was already perturbed a bit so of course it annoyed me. I wasn't being inconvenienced any by this. What was gonna happen? I was going to spend maybe 3 more minutes in a line with no rush to get anywhere. So my lesson today?? Maybe I should just mind my own business and not be so quick to judge. That's all I got tonight...

Family...

Is it too much to try to write about my parents?? Is anyone gonna read it?? At this point I think I might be writing for myself... maybe it's just to get some random things in my head out, or maybe it's to remember it later on... or maybe it's to entertain someone that I'll never meet. Regardless, some moments that stand out. I don't think my family was perfect. My siblings were much older so they were never around but my mom was always there. All of my siblings knew not to make mom angry. I used to think that my little sister was my mom's favorite. In a way she is.. but turns out me and my little sister were both her favorites. She always did everything she could to make sure we were happy. I didn't know half the stuff til we got older. But one time for thanksgiving I was home and my mom and younger sister and sister-in-law were cooking dinner for just over 25 family members and my sister said "bet you wish you didn't have so many kids huh...," and my mom replied with, "yeah... no.. I don't know what I would do without any of you." It still brings a tear to my eye when I think about the day she said that. There was a funny thing that stands out too. DISCLAIMER*** If you are easily offended skip to the next set of three stars... So I'm telling my best friend what she said and I get home with him and say "MOM!!, I told aaron what you said about not being able to change diapers on white babies because they remind you of turkeys." She said "I NEVER SAID THAT!!! I said they remind me of chickens..." hahahahaha *** Just had to get that out. When she gets together with my aunts from Tennessee they are the epitome of bumbling old ladies. She was always really good with my friends, even the ones she didn't like. My best friends she still asks about. About a year ago I couldn't think of a good reason to have her come spend time with me so I had to make a plan. Her and I aren't the normal type of people to just me say to her "hey.. I wanna spend some time together come visit me." Oh no.. that's much to passe.. I had to call her and say "I don't know how to make tacos will you come cook with me?" It worked. She even brought her own pans.. Why?? She knows how they cook. I can cook. Mostly from stuff she taught me but I'm good at cooking but put her in a kitchen and it's great to watch. I got my start cooking just like all the rest of my siblings.. Egg sandwiches. She taught us once and that's all we were allowed to cook. Of all my married older brothers only one has a wife that can cook. All of the others cook for their wives and children. We used to play games with her and my step-father Fred. We'd always ask him to do something and he'd yell "Go ask your mother." Then we'd ask her and she'd say "Go ask Fred." Then, we'd go back to him and say "she said it's ok if you say it's ok," and he'd always say "I don't care." Then if we got in trouble we'd blame him.. kinda funny if you think about it. He caught on after a while though... I mean come on 4 kids all playing the same game. Then he just started saying no. The night before I left for college he gave me "the talk". We went for a walk, which we've never done, and he said "If you go out don't leave your drink sitting there.. someone could put something in it, and always wear a rubber." Short, sweet, and to the point. Only once he made me cry.. About a year ago he and my mom came to visit me and I gave my mom a hug and I was just gonna shake his hand and he pulled me in for a hug and said "I'm so proud of you." Cue the tears... I remember in college the sheer panic and terror when I got a phone call that he'd had a heart attack. His special diet lasted about 3 weeks then he went back to my mom's food. dude.. if you had my mom's food you would too. When I was 10 I tasted my friends mom's spaghetti and it tasted like vom and raw meat. I thought all mom's cooking was good... that day.. not so much. I can't imagine how it would have turned out without either one of them. Sneaking into the bedroom at night when we were younger so they could play nintendo, putting out chips and pepsi for santa claus, sneaking us food whenever one of us was in the hospital, and the list goes on. I don't know what inspired me to blog about this but I'm sure she and he would have been happy if either of them knew how to work a computer or the internet. haha ~Love Randy

My significant other, and everything in between...

This is a subject that has been coming up and it is something I've been thinking about. If it's meant to be then it will be, if not... I have the "ideal" situation for a significant other in my head as well as his "ideal" character. My ideals for a significant other change as I change. I'm sure they won't be the same a year from now as what they are currently, and now are totally different from what they were a year ago. I don't want to start with physical attributes, so let's start with generally what I'd like. The biggest thing I could want for my "ideal" man is to be able to get along with my friends. That's the biggest thing... Even at this point I'm sitting here staring at the screen for about five minutes thinking what else I could want and I'm totally drawing a blank. I could think of a million situations of how a perfect time would be but I think it's not the situation but the person/people (significant others and friends alike) that make the moment. I heard a joke a while back about a man that was searching for the perfect woman and he found women of all types and the joke goes on to explain some of the types he ran across until he finally found the perfect woman and the friend that he's telling the story to asks him what happened and he replies with, "it didn't work out, turns out she was looking for the perfect man." Even though it was just a joke it sticks out in my head. I'm physically attracted to guys of all shapes and sizes; and ages for that matter. I'm not really attracted to men of color (though it has happened, and I'm sure will happen again). Love is a strong word and I think can even have a jumping off point from a luke warm feeling. I have all the time in the world to find this guy or for him to find me. Until then, I will not hold a guy up to what I feel is perfect because that's limiting myself. I can still dream though.. :) When the time is right it'll happen. That.. and it's probably worth waiting for...

The people I enjoy, like, love, and admire...

There are a few different types of people that I tend to gravitate to. The first kind is the kind of person that sees the silver lining. Optimism is great, it really is. I don't see the silver lining and I like to be able to hear that from others, and do that for others. I LOVE spontaneous people. Like sitting around doing nothing and a random phone call to go to a movie or out for coffee or something to eat. Nothing gets me more on a natural high than doing something spontaneous. I enjoy being taken out of the norm but only if its still in my comfort zone. If I'm uncomfortable I don't have fun. I love laid-back people that will do just about anything when I'm the one who wants to be spontaneous e.g. hey let's to go the outlet mall, hey let's go apple picking, hey let's plant a garden. haha. Ok that's a little gay but whatever I'll admit it. haha. But to re-quote something from a past tweet that can sum this all up... "Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh." ~W.H. Auden The Dyer's Hand, and other essays‎ (1962), p. 372.

A little about me...

So in this one I decided to type a little bit about me. Let's start at the beginning my birthday is December 20th. As a kid my mom always told me that I would get my presents on Christmas. So for the most part I didn't get presents on my birthday. *I later found out a guy that has my same birthday got the same line from his parents* My mother and father separated when I was five and my step-father has been there since, so almost 24 years he's been there. I'm second youngest of 9 children. My oldest brother died when I was a baby and I never really got to know him but I've seen pictures and heard a few stories about him. 7 boys and 2 girls. I'm not really in with my older sister and a 2 of my older brothers but the rest of them are all good. I'm the only child one without children. Even my younger sister has 4 girls. I'm the only one of all 9 that actually graduated high school and went on to college and I will hopefully be going back soon. I'm very musically inclined and can play all woodwinds but bassoon *I don't like bass clef*, and a little bit of piano. I enjoy playing instruments very much. In high school I played in Band, Orchestra, Pit Orchestra, Jazz, a clarinet quartet, marching band, and pep band. I played a little in college but not much I actually joined colorguard and did flag and a little rifle. My first 2 years I learned flag, 3rd year became co-captain, 4th year captain, and 5th year instructor. In college I started as a business management major with a concentration in accounting (found out I didn't like it), then moved on to Theater with a concentration in Acting. Turns out I was actually good at acting but was always too scared to audition. Ended up leaving school and mostly worked a lot in customer service. So that's a lot of my personal background and let's go with likes and dislikes. Why... Why not? I like blueberry muffins but hate blueberry pancakes. I like to be outdoors but only for a short time. I tan very easy with being native american and love having the tan during the summer and get a strange olive tone during the winter. hmm.. I like stereotypical music.. Lady gaga, Madonna, Beyonce, and some other random stuff that I just enjoy, 3oh!3, fallout boy, panic at the disco. I love listening to classical music (but only if I've played it). I can watch sports but only if I'm there, I can't get into it on TV. I LOVE guitar hero but can only play it once in a while by myself but can play forever if I'm playing with someone. My favorite show in the world is charmed (not ashamed to admit that) and I DVR old episodes. I also watched an episode of glee and that seems cool. I'm a little scared of meeting new people but when I do I wanna make them my new best friends and want to hang out all the time. I'm a little clingy and have to restrain myself from not being like that. I feel out the situation. Which my clinginess gets in the way sometimes. I've been really good friends with people only to find out we don't have much in common. I've also had conversations with strangers only to find out we have a ton in common and some are still my friends today after years of friendship. My favorite movies are horror movies and I especially love zombie movies (more-so if they scare the crap out of me). I like people that don't completely agree with everything I think (I like a good argument). I'm a pretty confident guy but if I find a guy I like I turn into a little girl and blush at everything and can't stop smiling. Just about everything makes me laugh and I cling to people that are like that too. I feel bad if I see an animal that's been run over (not grossed out). My best friends can sit with me and we can laugh about the same things and have entire conversations without saying a word. I appreciate that I am fortunate but still sometimes see the dead tree in the beautiful forest. The only time I was in the presence of someone famous I found out I could care less. Noah Wylie. I have a major crush on Pete Wentz started solely on the fact that he mentioned in an interview a few years ago that he doesn't have a problem kissing guys. I find perfection in the imperfect. I thoroughly enjoy sunrises and sunsets. I mostly hate going to the beach and picnics (only if i have to sit on the ground). On most days I shower twice, once in the morning to wake me up and after work or in the middle of the afternoon. I HATE having nothing to do, I'd rather sleep or find something to do than do nothing. I HATE being idle. I'm still not completely sure I've ever been in love. I LOVE people watching and love it even more if I find someone to people watch that equally loves doing it too. I fall asleep at night thinking of sleeping next to someone but when I have slept in a bed next to someone can't sleep. There's only two people I could sleep comfortably next to and I'm sadly no longer friends with either of them. There's very few people I'm comfortable enough with to touch me. Smart I'm not sure of, I am intelligent but have more fun "playing the part" of the dumb blond. I know I sing badly in front of people but try to sing well when I'm alone or think no ones listening. "Who knows where thoughts come from.. they just appear." With that if anyone actually reads this from beginning to end at least comment and let me know. It's nice to find out I might be interesting enough to read a big giant paragraph about. I could probably go on forever but I'm going to get my car looked at in the morning and I have to get up early. Goodnight neverlanddd...

Words that annoy me... and Bret Michaels

So I'm at work earlier today and just doing my thing and I hear one of the words that just make me angry. I hear from a customer across the room, "so I'm conversating..." I typed the word and it even makes the spell check angry. Ok I get it. Your trying to sound smart. Some people may go for that. Me?? Not so much. There's not many things that make me angry but words like that totally do. I think that's all I have to say about that. I'm really at a loss for words on how it makes me feel. I'm sure there will be more words to follow but that's it. Oh and for Bret Michaels... Hang in there.