Why not? right??

So i know i haven't done this in a minute.  I kinda started to feel like the updates were too close together to be of any interest.  Now this might be still centered around the same stuff but hey it's not the day after a different update.  So a little time has passed.  Things are still great with the guy.  He's already said a few times that he misses me and he likes spending time with me.  I think he's getting more comfortable with that idea.  Originally i don't think he wanted to like me because of his last relationship ending badly and trying to save me from the same fate.  He doesn't like valentines day but fuck it...  i'm getting him a cactus, and chocolate covered bacon.  You can't be mad at a plant (he has a few plants), and bacon.  We text every night which i think is fine.  It used to be like two to three times a week but now even when i spend the night at his house he texts me when i get home.  it's sweet.

I had a job interview for chili's and i'd like to say i'm pretty sure i'm gonna get it but idk.  the one manager liked me and i have a second interview on thursday with the GM.  And I can make a lot of money there.  still doing asbestos on the weekdays when i go back to work and serving on nights and weekends.

Still going forward...

So sometimes he asks me questions.  Like "what are you thinking about?"   I honestly answer him every time.  There's a good portion of my day that goes by that I think about him so when he asks that and I tell him i'm thinking of him he gives a weird responses.

Tonight twice i sent him some screen shots and he responded well to both.   It makes me feel nice when i get a good response from him.  Progress.  He sent a text regarding titanic and how there needs to be a sequel and that he needs to come back as a zombie.   So i told him that I love zombie movies but that was a horrible idea.  So he said that I'm horrible.  And I said "I am?"  and he said yes.  So i sent a screen shot of a thing that said

 and he laughed and said "so true."  

Then later in the night he sent a random message and we're having crappy weather in buffalo right now and he said snow slowed his travel.  also, i forgot he went home for christmas so he's still there.  Well after the message of the weather he asked if everything was ok with me.  I told him yes, and that i was just thinking of him and was looking forward to seeing him when he comes back.  His reply...   UGH.  Right away i was a tiny bit hurt and regretted saying that.  We haven't gotten to a point where we talk about feelings.  We're not official.  I can't yet.  And i refuse to go official just yet.  Although the only thing that needs to be done for us to be official is just to talk about it and probably see each other more.  We got the date thing down.  Ok so back to the story of him saying UGH.  I said "why UGH?" and he responded with "Being cute is my thing, and you're doing it better than me."  HE SHOOTS, HE SCORES!!!

My College Best Friend.. She deserved capital letters.

So because my birthday is so late in the year (12/20) my entire first semester in college i was 17 years old.  We gotta back track a little into the summers of high school.  I was in a local marching band that brought schools in the area together for the erie county fair.  And i did it all four years and my mother hated driving me to it but would brag to everyone about it.  Anyway.   I made a friend Nikki in that marching band and we both went to UB for college.  When i got to my dorm and finally started figuring some stuff out and found nikki she told me I should join marching band.  I wasn't too keen on it.  So she invited me to one party and i liked everyone so i joined.  UNFORTUNATELY, the only instrument i had was a flute.  Originally i wanted to play Tenor Sax but they didn't have instruments to borrow and even then the flute that i had was borrowed for concert band so i joined the flutes.

In the flute section at my first practice i met Jessica and she was the section leader and her best friend Ang.  Ang is also my younger sisters name.  At my second practice they quizzed me to see if i remembered their names.  I said yes and told Ang why i remembered her name.  After some time we started hanging out.  I don't even remember what prompted us to hang out but all of a sudden i remember talking to her every single day and she quickly became my bestest bestie.  Turns out we had a bunch in common.  Her birthday is 12/23 so we celebrated our birthdays together.  Once I took her home to my family and she was looking through an album my sister had made for me of all my pictures growing up.  There was a picture of me when i was four during halloween with this giant inflatable head that was green and the costume said "kooky spook."  She starts laughing hysterically.  She said her and her brother wore that except he was the green one and she was the black one.  It just so happened that my cousin Laurie was the black to my green that year.  And we also later found out that her dog shared the same name as my older brother, Woodrow.

We met the August of 1999 and are still friends to this day.  We don't talk as much but this year she wished me happy birthday and i did her too and i don't think i've ever written about her.  We went through a lot.  For how long we've known each other i don't think we've even ever had a fight over anything ever.  I know i posted later than i wanted but i did it.

Things are going well.

Things with Nate are going well.  For christmas i got him some things. and for my birthday which was just a few days ago he got me some gift certificates.   I think since we started getting to know each other this close to christmas that i wasn't going to get him anything good.   I got him a bracelet which he liked, i made him a scarf which i like to do for people and he loved that.  He takes a ton of selfies on snapchat wearing it in different spots cuz he's weird like that.  and I got him some soaps from Lush in the mall.  Well.  I got him some lip scrub from Lush and i got a body conditioner and a bar of soap for both of us to use, and i did get a third bar of soap but he didn't like it.  I, on the other hand, LOVED IT.  It's called baked alaska and it's the seasonal soap right now.  So i took it home.  It gives my skin a slight citrusy smell.  kinda like a i peeled oranges and lemons a couple hours ago.  The bracelet is the same one that I have except the one that i have has silver clasps and his are silver except they're black.  We're still not officially anything yet but we're not nothing.  And no rush.  And tonight i'll write about my college best friend since today is her birthday.

this is the bracelet i got him.... 

And this is my bracelet...

And this is the body conditioner i can't wait to try...

spending money.

So if you know me  you know I like to spend money.  And most of the time on something I don't need or something that I could use but it's not a necessity.  Well from buying a new tv and a new laptop I got two $5 gift certificates from best buy.  And what did I do with those?  I bought a new IPod.  So they give me 10 bucks and I spent another 180 cuz I bought the iPod and you can't buy an iPod without buying a case.  The last thing I might do is on Sunday there's Trans Siberian Orchestra and I've always wanted to see it.  I might say fuck everyone and go by myself.   BTW Sunday is my birthday and I can do whatever I want.  And, since Nate likes to be cryptic won't tell me when he's going home.  So I think i'm going to be giving him his Christmas gifts that night.  So far this week I've been there three nights.  Which is cool, I dig it.  Although last night I couldn't sleep and he normally has crazy sleep patterns but when i'm there he sleeps like a log.  Last time I mentioned that to him he said had a better day at work and could get addicted to days like that.  Last night though I couldn't get to sleep and he was passed out so I was playing on Instagram and snapchat for a while.

Nnow the only thing that I have to do today is go to the gym.  I don't think i'm seeing him tonight but he's in charge of that. 

After doing my inventory I see things around me that I unintentionally do a lot.  It's funny because sometimes these things are pointed out by anyone.  Like the other night I went over to Nate's and he said he was hungry and since I was feeling a lot of guilt over doing something that made him feel bad I kept offering to go get us food.  Finally he asked why I was doing that I told him because I felt guilty.  And he told me not to do things for him out of guilt.  Turns out I do that a lot with my mom and doing things because I've felt guilt for when I was still drinking.  Going from my last homegroup to this homegroup it's two totally different worlds.  There's some stuff that I carried over that they like (like my level of commitment to things I say i'll do), and putting newcomers first (although that needs some tweaking).   All the stuff that I've lacked up until the point isn't going to get fixed in a month or two.  But I am moving forward and that's what I wanted.  I felt as though I wasn't growing spiritually at my other group.   Just like my former sponsors, that group took me as far as they could and I needed to move on. 

Lastly, I enjoyed star wars.  After Nate and I watched it we went to a diner and got food, then went back to his place. 

Birds, Gym, and some guy stuff...

Let's start with the new pets.  I had a bird cage for them and i thought it was huge.  Seeing them in there doesn't really look that huge.  So of course I went big and got them a bigger cage on Ebay.  Ideally that'd be here before the week is up coming from Cali.

I finished the loading phase of creatine and now i'm just on maintenance.  It's so gross taking it.  Even though it says it's unflavored it tastes almost medicinal.  Or almost like an aspirin.  But already i noticed the difference when i'm working out.  i can lift heavier and with all the sups i'm taking to help out my working out there's definitely a difference.  Also, i did a Sea Salt water cleanse.   I didn't notice much of a difference physically.  I know it's good to do that but i think i expected more.  The link will take you to the site i used.  The first time i did it was in the morning but Nate spent the night that night at my apartment so i was up til like 3 eating chinese food and had to get up at 8 so i guess it wasn't on a total empty stomach.  And the directions say it takes about half an hour but it took an hour and a half.   I did it again this morning on an actual empty stomach and 25 minutes later it worked and A LOT better.  You get the idea.

So Nate's sewer might have backed up in his basement and his apartment the other night smelled like sewage.   Last week when i was there it kinda smelled but it was really light so it didn't bother me.  He just closed all the vents.  So Saturday night he was going to a party we don't see each other when he drinks.  Well that night the sewer smell was really bad at his place so i offered to drive to get him.  We stopped at wegmans and got chinese (wegmans chinese sucks), and came back to my place.   MOFO sleeps dead center in the middle of the bed.  His bed is a queen size so if i want to move away from him (if he gets too warm or i get cold) i can.  Not in my bed i was stuck although my bed is a lot more comfortable than his.  So the original plan for Thursday to see star wars was that he and I were going to see it together.  I messaged him last night to let him know the time and place and he said he couldn't go.  He normally plays volleyball on thursday nights.  So i told him it was fine (although i did really want to go with him).  He then said nevermind he was gonna go to the movie.  I told him colleen would probably go and he asked if i was trying to reneg on our date.  OUR DATE!  That was the second reference to us dating.  The first was him asking what i was doing for work the other night and i told him i was doing a catering thing at Buff State and he said "oh man i'm like will and grace.  Dating a cater waiter."  Everything is still unofficial.   We're not exactly moving forward but definitely not moving backwards.  I'm STILL not trying to force a relationship with him before my 7th step.  But then i just finished 5 yesterday so on that front i'm definitely moving forward.

I think that's it for update time.  I'm off to the gym...

I'm actually keeping up on this.

I don't know how long this is going to last writing in here semi-regularly but i'm trying.  Not too much has been going on.   I got yet another reminder (spiritually or cosmically) to slow down my rushing to be in a relationship.  In all seriousness it IS something I need to learn to do.  So I might get to see him today, and I might not.  This time away though is good.  I have things i have to get done.  I've been going to the gym regularly again.  I'm finishing my fourth step to get ready for five i think sunday.  When he and i first starting hanging out i weighed 212.  I went up to 219 and even one day weighed 222.   As of this morning i'm back at 212.  THANK FUCKING GOD.   I'm ok gaining weight if it's muscle or healthy.  This was unhealthy weight i put on.  Oh and I did end up getting my parakeets.  I got two.  One is almost all white with a touch of baby blue on his underside and I named him Glenn.  And the bitchy one that bit me and wouldn't let go is almost all yellow with a touch of green on her underside and i named her Olive.  Blair said Glenn Coco and Olive Oil.  haha.  But today i'm giving a shot at catering.  I met a woman at a book study and she offered it to me.  I jumped on it.  I love serving.  I was told this is nothing compared to restaurant serving.  I don't have to remember anything.

So all in all i'm still doing ok.  My birthday is coming, Christmas is coming, and Star Wars is coming.   Nate will be my movie date that night.  It kinda made me a little weird.  We went to see the hunger games the other night and he sat pretty (uncomfortably) far away from me.  I told him last night i wanted to hold his hand during the movie and he said he doesn't do pda.  He asked if i do.  And i told him not kissing or holding hands where people can see but out of sight i like to.  Then when the conversation starts to get uncomfortable i change the subject.

I'm on episode two of Star Wars.  I'll be starting episode three tonight.  Anakin was a smooth mother fucker in some of episode two.   And some of it he was creepy.  When he started rubbing her arm that made my skin crawl.  Mostly because she gave no indication if it was ok or not.  But what got me was when he said she was exactly the way he remembers her in his dreams i'm like whoa really.  I'll post more later.  I gotta get ready for work.