So much for the perfect guy...

At first he was perfect..  Then after some stuff we had "the conversation."  Even though it ended, his heart was in the right place.  He doesn't do well in relationships.  Fuck, even i'm not good at them.  But i wanted to at least try with him.  Maybe we need more time.  We were together too fast.  We both know this.  I even felt uneasy by the fact that when i had a bad day i felt i "needed" him.  We talked about how we made each other feel and that probably wasn't good.  He made me feel amazing and when we were together he made the rest of the world disappear.  He said he felt amazing when we spent our time together.  After the first week of us hanging out he even went shopping for a new couch (the old one is terribly uncomfortable) so that we could do cute couply stuff on the couch.  Sappy i know but terribly cute.  To  paraphrase and make a long story short, he ended it to save me.  He broke up with his last boyfriend because he was mean to him.  I felt bad he didn't even really give "us" a shot but i respected his decision.  I asked him if it was a done deal and he reluctantly said yes.  I told him then he didn't need to hear what i wanted to say because the only reason i would say anything is to try to manipulate him to change his mind.  He feels his connections with his friends are better and takes those in higher regard than his romantic relationships.  

I want to blame myself but I can't.   At least not fully.   Everything played out in its exact order in its exact time for a reason.  I know more today that everything happens for a reason and over the past month that message solidified itself in my life.  EVERYTHING and EVERYONE helps make me a stronger better me for whatever i'm getting set up for in life.  a few other reminders i've gotten for life

-My plan isn't good enough

-prayers are ALWAYS answered

-Stay in today

-Be less of a shitbag than you were yesterday

I'm not down on myself, really.  I'm seriously not.  I can say i'm a little down on where my life and actions have gotten me right now.   But countless other times in my past have i thought this is the biggest thing to happen in my life and seeing now looking back on it was like it needed to happen.

Some advice that i got from an old timer about the situation today (he's gone through everything i'm going through) that i could and should apply to things that are going on.   IT WAS A GIFT.

My new friend..

He's more than a friend.  I don't want to get into too much detail.  I'll say he's definitely something.  I like being with him.  I like the way i feel when i'm with him.  I've always been a bigger kid so i think i might have mentioned in passed posts that i might always be self conscious of my body.  He makes me forget about those things.  He likes the physical imperfections.  He makes me feel sexy.  He caught me off guard once when he told me to not move when i was getting dressed.  Not because something was wrong..  He was just taking in the view.  I've never had that before.  A guy..  No..  A SMOKIN HOT guy that makes me forget the rest of the world exists.  He's a guy guy.  He likes to play sports, and has a deep voice, and there's nothing "fem" about him at all.  But he loses that when i kiss him a certain way and becomes giggly.  It's also really funny when he says i can't text him before work because he doesn't wanna be all smiley and goofy in front of his coworkers.  I think it's cute.

Something weird happened the other day and i sent him a message.  And i'm not sure if it's the message that changed it or what but he got a little more into me after i sent it.  I said "Just so we're clear I'm not talking to anyone else, or even online.  It's your business if you are, but I don't get down like that."  And since then it's all cool.

It's super early to say if it'll be anything.  At the moment, I'd like it to be.  But I also don't want this to turn into one of those lesson learning relationships that'll make me better equipped for the next guy.  It's weird that NOW i'm not at all worried about the future of this relationship.  He makes me happy, and from what i can tell he's happy with me.

Did I forget to mention HE'S SMOKIN HOT!!!!

HE IS!!!

I've spent a few nights and we're napped together.  sleeping next to each other is not at all uncomfortable.  He's easy to cuddle with and we can big spoon/little spoon in either direction and it works.  I will try to write more when and if things happen.

Whether or not it ends up working out.  It's an experience that needs to have been had, and has it's significance.

New Chapter I won't talk about.. So let's talk movies and TV

There's a whole lot of new stuff going on that i just don't feel like talking about.

So lets talk tv and movies..

So what i'm looking forward to seeing in the next few months is Shameless..  I wanna know what happens with Ian and Mickey (they're the reason i started watching them), and Fiona, and is debs preggers or what??  not too worried about Lip since nothing really big ever happens with him.  And I'd like to see Sheila come back.

Currently i'm watching heroes reborn and it's ok..   as of the we found out that claire had twins before she died and the boy figured out early in the episode he was adopted and there's a girl traveling someplace and in the last few minutes of the episode they decided to take the newborn twins and take them back in time to be safe so they'd be full grown when it was time for them to save the world..  which explains why the boy that can make things go places, and the girl that can do things with her mind are about the same age and both believe they're destiny is to save the world.  The asian girls part of the story is kind of  bland..  and the girl that can control shadows.. same thing.

I'm also watching the muppets too.  It's funny.  normally i wouldn't watch it but some of the stuff they say is hilarious and there's a lot of adult humor in it too.

American horror story comes through again.  in season one i didn't like the ending..  in season two i LOVED the ending.  In season three i hated it and in season four i loved it.  Since this is the last season of american horror story i hope i don't hate the finale.  I'm loving that lady gaga is in it.  and the other characters are pretty cool too.  OF course they dont give any clues as to why any of them are there and the story keeps geting weirder and weirder but by the end of the season it all makes sense.  So when the show first came on there wasn't supposed to be anything that tied all of the season together.   Well we found out that this season will tie all the seasons together..  WTF i mean yes and no..  cool that it's done, hate that i really didn't think they had anything to do with each other.  So now it's an entire story..  plus a crossover of 4 other seasons..  i hope they do it quickly..  i wanna know..

MOVIES!!!

So i bought my tickets for the star wars movie coming out in a few months which is a few days before my birthday.  Now i'm not huge into star wars and i've seen some of the movies.  So just so i'm completely prepared i downloaded all of the movies and i have about 6 weeks to watch them all.  Colleen also wants to watch them but she also wanted to watch american horror story and she made it through two episodes and that s it.