Progress not Perfection...

Letting go and going with the flow is hard.  Since I was a kid I needed to be one step ahead, always.  I needed to know what was going to happen next.  Later on, I found out that the reason I needed that so much was so I could manipulate it to take care of my own needs.  These days it's a whole different story.  When I think about it, I don't try to fix my own problems.  Well in a sense I do try.  But in trying what I do is ask for help.  I ask people in my life for help with what goes on with me.  Now dealing with other people is outside of my scope.  I hate being stuck between two points.   Not exactly neutral but wanting to know one or other other.  I mean like knowing whats going to happen next or being better off not knowing.  Life is experience and it's those experiences that help us grow, right.  No one said it was going to be easy.  Actually, no one said anything about the whole deal at all.

I don't know where I'm going with this I really don't..  just a rant I guess.. 

Trust:   Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.
Faith:  Complete trust or confidence in someone or something.
Suffering:  pain in a broad sense, is an individual's basic affective experience of unpleasantness and aversion associated with harm or threat of harm. Suffering may be qualified as physical or mental.
Suspicion:  A feeling or thought that something is possible, likely, or true.
Integrity:  The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.

I don't quite see myself as suffering other than when I put myself through it.  The best way I can put it is my thinking causes suffering because the idea of loss in trust, and loss in faith by questioning their integrity.  Because..  (here's the kicker) I'm not in control and I don't know everything.

Let go.. 

Everything happens the way it's meant to happen despite me.

I'm not in control...

"There is a principle which is a bar against all information,
   which is proof against all arguments, and which cannot fail
   to keep a man in everlasting ignorance—that principle is
   contempt prior to investigation." 

This entire entry was written for one person...  Me.  I can vent in my blogs.   Sometimes my entries are just for me.  Though I know it's connected to my twitter and no privacy on it so it can be viewed by anyone, which is what I was reminded of recently by my new "friend".  


Me:
I make mistakes
I can try to do my best though there are times even that may be too much
I will try to never judge, though I may do just that accidentally
Even when I have the best intentions I may do the wrong thing
When I'm wrong it might sometimes be hard to say but I'll try


**Like usual this entry totally went in a direction I didn't mean for it to..  Originally it was titled "going with the flow"  I guess in a weird way it's still that but the new title fits better.**