Since the guy i last really dated I've been on 2 dates with one guy. My thought on this were.. I think I know what I want and turns out I didn't. Now this kid... and I mean almost literally.. he's 20.. He turned 20 the day after I turned 29.. So I go out with the kid.. And he's really gay.. like whoa gay. And well that's not my style at all. I want a man.. I want to date a man.. NO Effeminate males for me.. NONE!. But this kid was real pretty. Like real pretty and since finding out that i'm not sure I know what I want I decided in the dating game I'm going to leave no stone unturned. I should have left it the way it was..
I have a better understanding of what I'd like.. I think. I've been talking about this subject at great length with people and come up with the bottom line. or lines.. 1. I want what I can't have, 2. It's all in the chase, 3. I need to be the submissive side of the relationship. I don't want to be the submissive half.. I need it. If you talk to me about anything I'm pretty smart. I can have an intellectual conversation. But when it comes down to it. I look forward to "Let's go eat at ______." or "let's go to the movies tonight I wanna see ________" I need a dominant side. But like was pointed out to me when I stupidly once said I need to completed. It's not completeness I lack. Or fulfillment for that matter. I ask to remain teachable in all aspects of my life. I'm looking for the supplemental piece of my life.. I may not be 100 percent but it's not a person that'll make me 100 percent.. that'll just take work on my part. (BTW who knew I had so much to say.. totally didn't think this blog was gonna be this long..)
I don't want to blame anyone for my dating life, nor brush off the blame of hurting someone in that I have faults. I had/have no intention of hurting anyone especially the last guy i dated.. J. As I grow and change as a person what I want changes as well.
Right now... I'm so lost as to what is happening in my dating life. All I know is it will happen when it happens. One day at a time, one date at a time... On the road to finding Mr. Right I can still meet new people and have a little fun. The only thing I have to do is figure out how to be honest without hurting the other half. When it isn't working be honest with him and myself.
(HOMO MOMENT) quoted from Buffy: nothing but a rank, arrogant amateur..
Dear Mr. right, can't wait to see you.. I've been waiting a long time. Don't worry I'm still working out and will start running soon and i'll be nice and tan so should we find each other this summer.. that'd be rad. If not.. I'll still be waiting... ~Love Randy
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